A FIGHT STORY

I was going to talk about some fights I have had in my life. Let me just say by no means am I a tough guy. I have gotten my ass kick plenty of times almost near death a couple times. Fighting sucks no matter how you try and spin it. I have felt bad when I got my ass kick and I have felt worse when I kick some ass. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason why someone fights is because there scared. Now I’m not talking about professional fighters like boxers, UFC and K1 those guys really know how to kick ass. I’m talking about the average street fight. The only time I ever fought was because I was afraid of what might happen to me. And I also had a lot of rage from my second step farther who slapped me around on me regularly, but that is for another blog post.
There are a bunch of fights that I could talk about. There is the one were I got my ass beat almost to death. There are the ones were I knocked the mother fucker out. And there a bunch other little ones in the middle. I want to talk about the one were I shit my pants. It was a summer night I was hanging with all my friends from the park. All my friends were older than me and real tough kids. Needless to say they got me into most of my fights. I was drunk of course and we decided to go over to Somerville. Somerville was the next town over from Medford where I lived. And we hated each other. There was this church that we just happen to walk by and there was a bunch of kids hanging out side the parking lot. I guess they had some type of late night communion class or some horse shit. So me and my drunken friends decided to go over and cause some trouble. I was shit faced and I had to take one of the biggest dumps of my life. I had been holding this shit cake in my ass for like two hours but I was so drunk I kept forgetting about it. And then all of a sudden I could feel the dog start to wag his tail and I would have to stand still for like five minutes until the muscles in my ass could take back over and fight this wall of shit. At this point I had full control over my ass. I was walking around the parking lot looking to start some trouble. And that’s when I saw her. She was blonde blue eyed and fucking gorgeous and she was looking right back at me. Dam I don’t think there is a better feeling in the world than looking across at a girl who is looking right back at you with that same look your giving her. The look of I want you to bitch. So I called her over. I got right up close to her and started asking her what her name was, and where she was from and I ws telling her how beautiful I thought she was. I totally forgot about this meat loaf that was dying to exit my body. This chick was into me and I was into her. It was going great just then this kid about my age steps in between me and my new girlfriend. He had a real mean look on his face and told me – this is my cousin so why you just take off and stop bugger her. I have to tell you I was scared. This kid looked pretty tough and he was pissed at me for trying to make moves on his cousin. Once he saw that I didn’t say anything back to him he started getting more confident and his voice was getting more enraged with me. Fucking get the fuck out of here asshole he said to me. The girl was telling him to stop, telling him we were just talking, but he wouldn’t have any of it. So I did what I had to do. I sucker punched him. There are two things you need to do if you’re ever going to use the sucker punch. First you need to be a pretty good actor. They have to think you are scared or just a nice guy and there is no way you want anything to do with them. And second you need to knock them out or at least hurt them bad. Let me tell you there is nothing worst than sucker punching some guy and him looking back at you with a smile. Cause now you really pissed him off. But that didn’t happen in this case. I leaned back and told him – hey man I don’t want to fight you and before the word fight got out of my mouth I hit this kid with everything I had. One punch and he went down to his knees. It was great the sucker punch worked. Now I just had to keep hitting him until he gave up, but I couldn’t. My friends were yelling at me hit him hit him but I couldn’t I could just sit there and not move. It wasn’t out of fear or that I felt bad. It was because my asshole muscle had just said FUCK IT and took the night off. You see I had been using every ounce of energy to keep my asshole shut so I didn’t shit my pants. But in all the confusion of meeting this girl, her fuck faced cousin fucking with me I had forgot about the chili brewing in my ass. And when I haled off to give the sucker punch I took all that energy away from my ass muscle and put it into the punch. Now I’m standing over this kid looking like a real badass with a nice hot dump in my pants. All of sudden one of the priest comes out and everyone just ran. I was walking the streets with a big dumb in my pants and I was pissed. That’s when a truck pulled up to me and it was my friends they told me to get in so I did. They were going off about the punch I had just thrown for around 30 seconds everyone was going nuts about me, and then it hit them. One of my friends cried out – what the fuck is that smell and then everyone in the truck started going off. I just told them I shit my pants. Cut to tires screeching and me being kick out of the car like I was some twenty dollar whore. I took off down the street and ran into these bushes in front of this house. I was standing right under someone’s window cleaning my ass with my sock. I could even hear the TV and them laughing in side the house. Not knowing some kid was cleaning his ass right out side there window. It was a mess. I couldn’t get it all of the shit cleaned up, but I got most of it. But I still smell like a baby who messed his Diaper. I was so mad at this point. This kid really fucked up my high. The girl was gone my friends were gone my underwear was gone and I had one sock. So I went to finish what I had started. I was going to really beat the shit out of this kid. I grabbed a picket from this fence and was on my way back to that church. As I got to the corner I saw the kid walking away probable going home. I called out to him but he wouldn’t turn around. I had given him a pretty good punch so the tides had change a little. He was probable afraid of me now. I kept yelling come on you pussy fight me fight me fagot. That was always a good word to use if you wanted to get someone to fight you. I kept calling him back using every word in the book. And then it happen he just turned around and said fuck it. I have to say that kind of scared me. Now he had the power. He was pissed. But I just charged him and I had a stick in my hand. As soon as we met I just started slamming away on his head. Just then I heard tires screech. I thought it was the cops so we both kind of stop for a second just to see who it was. It was the priest. He walked over to us and told us to knock it off and then gave us some speech about people and life and god. It was just like a church of latter day saints commercial. We just shook and said sorry as the priest had his hand on both of our shoulders. You can’t fuck with a priest I don’t care who you are if a priest gets involved fight over. A priest has the same powers as your mother. May be that’s why it’s so easy for them to get little boy ass. As we were about to leave with the spirit of Jesus in our harts the priest says what the hell is that smell, I think one of you boys step in some dog shit. We all checked out feet and walked away. Now I know that may sound like a movie ending but the priest really did say that.
I will be away for most of next month. So I don’t know when I will be able to write in hear gain. But I will try. Thanks for reading all eight of you