NOT THAT FUNNY BUT TRUE

I thought I would talk about some of the times I got arrested. I get a lot of shit about why I was in juvy hall. I forget a lot of it myself but I will try to remember a couple of story’s for you now.
The very first time I got arrested I was in sixth grade. I was sleeping in my room when a couple of my buddy’s knock on my window. It had to be around 9 o’clock at night and they had Toni Quint with them. Toni was my first girlfriend and my first lay. She was also the first whore to fuck my best friend. They ask me to come hang out. I snuck out of my house and went with them. We just walked around all night smoking butts and try to get Toni to touch my pud. We came across a lunch truck. You know those trucks that pull up to a construction site and sells shity food and coffee. Well they also sell cigarettes. So we decided to steal all the butts from the truck. We got like ten cartons. We went down to the river Mystic river- ya the one from the movie- That’s were we hung out and that’s also the place I first put my ding ding in Toni’s stink wrinkle. I don’t know how it happens but a few weeks later I got called down to the police station. Not only did this bitch fuck my best friend she also ratted me out to the cops. And girls wonder why I have issues with commitment. Go talk to that cheating lying whore Toni. Any who I denied everything so they couldn’t really put me away. I was also in the sixth grade I was to young to be put in juvy. But now I was on the cop’s hit list.
Cut to a couple of years later. I was around thirteen and drinking every day and using any drug that was put in front of me. This one day I split a case of bud with my best friend Frankie. We started around two in the after noon and wound up at a pizza place around eight at night. The place was called Depasquallys. It was a cool little joint. Upstairs was a pizza place and down stairs was a cool little Italian restaurant. We never went down stairs it was kind of scary down there. I was sitting in the booth with this big nosed Italian girl who was in my history class. We never really got along in school. But I really wanted to bang her. I remember she had the nicest ass. She would wear those chic jeans with no back pockets. Dam what ever happen to chick jeans. If she cut a fart in those jeans her ankles would have blown up. Anyways she was sitting with me and I was try to get her to go out with me, I had know idea were Frankie went. All of a sudden he comes out of the kitchen goes up to the cash register and starts hitting buttons. I guess He went into the kitchen and told the chef who he had beat the shit out of the week before that he wanted to rob the place and they should tell the cops that two black kids did it, and if he refused he was going to beat the shit out of him again so they agreed. Frankie didn’t know how to open the register so he asked me to help. I was trying to get Josephine to calm down holding her hand telling her it’s going to be ok. So I got up and went over and hit one button and it opened. I grab the cash and ran out the door. As we were running I was still really drunk and I tripped on the curb went flying in the air and landed on my right pinky finger. It was pushed all the way back and the money went flying everywhere. Frankie didn’t help me he just started picking up the money and tell me to get up. We got back to frank’s house and I was just looking at my fucked up pinky finger that was mushed across my hand. I kept telling him I had to go to the hospital. He kept saying dude I can fix it just come over here. I may be dumb but I’m not that dumb. So I just ran out of his house and on to the streets. I went to the pay phone and dialed the operator and told her I needed help she hung up on me that twat. I saw a bunch of adults standing out in front of there house. I just went up to them and hit the ground and starting yelling, screaming and showing my fucked up looking hand. It looked worse than it felt but they didn’t know that. I just needed to get to the hospital, and it worked.
Two weeks later I was hanging with Frankie in his apartment when the cops just walked right in and said are you Frankie Palacastro. He said yes and they took him. They didn’t even look at me.
I found out when Frankie was bailed out of jail that he was arrested for robbing that pizza place. He didn’t tell them anything about me nor did they ask. So I thought I was ok. One night a week later me and Frankie were drinking. It was a hot summer night I had a Fifth of peppermint SCHNAPPS and a rack of tall buds. We were over Frankie’s girlfriend’s house. He was in her room and I was on the couch with This hot chick Beverly. She told me she gets real horny when she smokes pot and asked me if I had any. I said no but I will go get some. I got up and started to leave to go get some pot so I could get some pussy. She told me to hurry because she had to go home soon. I told her I would be right back like in ten minutes. Not knowing that would be the last time I would ever see her. I told Frankie what I was doing so he would come with me.
Now you have to know earlier that night I was at the park waiting for Frankie to meet me when a cop car drove up and asked me my name. I told him and he said that there was a warrant for my arrest some were and he was going back to the station to find it. He also said if he arrests me tonight it would be the best thing for me. Come to find out the pizza store that I had ripped off was owned by the mob and they were looking for me too. The cop said if I didn’t want to get arrested tonight stay off the streets and he pulled off.
Ok now back to me going to get pot for pussy. Frankie and I stopped at the liquor store to get some more booze. He was inside I was standing out side fucked up just thinking about going back to that girl with some pot. Just then I saw this cop car pull up and my mothers head was sticking out of the back window. It was like the movies everything went into slow motion, or it just could have been all the booze I had in my system. She just waved me in to the car. It was like I was in a trance. I just walked over to the car and got in the back seat. Frankie was running after me calling my name and pounding on the window telling me to get out of the car. We get to the station and they finger print me and take all those dumb photos and put me in a cell. I was so fucked up and that little bitty cell wasn’t helping me at all. The room was spinning and it was only an eight by six room, so it was spinning extra fast. I sat there all night and went to juvy court the next day. Where I sat in another cell from eight in the morning till four in the after noon. They set court date for me and then put me in a van and shipped me to one of the worst place I have ever been in my life. It was called the Charlestown Y. But before they send me there they shipped me all the way out to the county to this insane asylum that they took over to put kids for the day until they found a shittier place to put them for the night. This place was fucking freaky. You walk in and some guy takes you into this room and does a strip search. You have to take all of your clothes off and do jumping jacks and bend over in front of this guy. It had been like two weeks since I ripped off this place. What did he think I still had the money in my ass like a bank? After that they put you in this room with a bunch of other scary looking kids. This room was fucking creepy. There was on TV playing those shitty old Hanna Barbara cartoons. Then they bring this box of subs with chips in the room. Everyone got up like they had done this a hundred times. They all stared tearing the plastic rap off there subs and all at once they grab the wet slimy onions off the sub and hucked them to the ceiling. The onions just stuck to the ceiling. I looked up and this must have been going on for several years. The whole ceiling was covered with these fucked up onions. A couple of hours later they started calling out names and kids were being hand cuffed and shackled. I ask one of the kids what was going on. He said you’re going to your new home. He told me to ask were they were putting me. And if they hand cuff you first before they tell, you were going to a bad place. Then I hear my name. Robert Kelly, Robert Kelly. So I walk over to them and sat down. The first thing out of my mouth was wear am I going. He wouldn’t answer me. I asked again hey do you know were I’m going? He just put the cuffs on me and then said you’re going to Charlestown Y. So I knew I was fucked. The first couple of floors were a real YMCA the top floor was a detention center for youths. We finally got there it had to be like nine o’clock at night. We walked through the gym to this old elevator and up to the top floor. Again they stripped search me and made me bend over and do the jumping jacks thing. So this is the second time I had to show my thirteen year old mushroom to some guy in one day. Then they made me take a shower with two other new guys that just got in. I was thirteen I had like two pubes. The other two kids were like sixteen they had regular man dicks and pubes. It was fucking embarrassing. Then they took us to a dark room wear everyone was watching TV. I just sat in the back and I was shaking in my boots. There were all kinds of kids there. black, Spanish, ok well that was it black and Spanish kids But they looked mean. There had just been some incident. I guess there was some fat white kid that was in there for molesting kids and one of the black kids stuck a pencil in his eye. That’s a great thing to hear the fist night I’m in jail. Some guy stuck his head in the room and said bed time gentlemen and everyone got up like they knew were they were going so I just followed. We wound up in this big room with a bunch of metal bunk beds in it. I had to find one that was empty. I climbed up to the top bunk and just stared out the window trying not to cry even though I wanted to just start balling. But I didn’t want to show any weakness. At this point I was still sucking my fingers and picking my nose. I know most kids suck there thumb but not me. I would suck my two middle fingers and pick my nose with my pinky finger. And then I would role the booger around on my upper lip. And that’s all I could think of. That I would fall asleep and start picking my nose and sucking my finger. I kept telling myself don’t do it they will stick you in the eye with a pencil or they will make fun of you. I didn’t want to show any weakness at all. So needless to say that was the last time I ever sucked my fingers and picked my nose. Well that was my fist night but not the last time I would go through it. I would be in and out of jail all over the eastern coast for the next three years. There are a lot of little things I left out but this is a blog not a book.